Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
do nipples grow back?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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