Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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