im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
