She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
