people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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