Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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