I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
