I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
