the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
