Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
