when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize