I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
