Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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