tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
