So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
