He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
