This girl is more easily done than said...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
