I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize