if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
