Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
