i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
