I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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