I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
