Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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