You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
