I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
