I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
