hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
