Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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