U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I checked into jail on foursquare
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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