OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
