when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
