Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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