just tell him i said nine months
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
