Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
