he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
