I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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