I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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