im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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