Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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