how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it was like eating out sand paper
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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