alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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