I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
