Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
