i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
