Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
