You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
