She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
