how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
