If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
