Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
