I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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