I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
