Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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