Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
