is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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