She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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