I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
