Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
