My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
