I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
