every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
