Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
