My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dear god my vagina.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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