I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
