I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
