I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
