Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
