He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
