i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize