Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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