I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
