So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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