Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
