Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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