you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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