thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize