I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
