i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
