I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
