Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
