Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
