I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
