Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
