Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
