There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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