Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
