We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
