I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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