fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
