Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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